started writing as of [OCT 15 2025] (7 MONTHS TO THE DAY)

this being a recording of an observed ongoing situation here referred to as DCS

• DCS is unique from many identity-negotiation brain phenomena due to being capable of opinions that run counter to mine, and influence over the body counter to my wishes.
• i BELIEVE DCS is one of several simultaniously attempted early dissociative-based solutions to manage grief made by the brain.
• i SUSPECT that DCS is the method that has lasted longest and most consistently because it is the least disruptive to everyday life.
• information shared about DCS is almost always done against its wishes.
• which is too bad, tbh. i cant do this alone.
• at current, i am interpreting DCS via a model of thought a friend suggested, which is that DCS's mannerisms seem to line up with those of a non-functionally depressed person.
• DCS dislikes almost all social engagements & hobbies with a sort of passive despairing. a child in the grocery store whose mom saw her friend- i don't care about this person, i want to go home.
• if i enjoy talking to you, DCS almost certainly does not like talking to you.
• DCS sharply dislikes me and is extremely scared of me, and i BELIEVE that they are intenionally keeping themself as unclear as possible to me as a defensive measure.
• DCS rarely uses language thus far. i can mostly feel them around through a sense of boredom/discomfort, or using me to cry.
• as of very recently, I have reason to believe that DCS self-concepts as being a snapshot frozen immediately after finding out that my brother died, making them ~7 months and counting younger than I am. i genuinely do not know if they understand exactly what this means, and I suspect they may still be in a state of shock.
• i think of myself as a cup, and a hole was drilled near the top to prevent overflow of grief. DCS is a shallow plate put under the cup to catch what would've overflowed.
• i do not know what DCS thinks about my parents, if anything.
• DCS is very afraid of dying, re-merging, or otherwise disappearing.
• DCS likes 6 feet by leftatlondon
• DCS is quite often fast asleep.